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Posted on 2007.10.20 at 19:03
First day of driving.

Couldn't find the controls to adjust the sideviews so I had to go back to the rental office, feed them a story about never having had a car with automatic doodads and get poor buddy to show me the button.
Yay! Ready to roll!
Can't back up, and can't find the handbrake. Roll about twenty feet, pull over, kill the engine, and pull out the effing manuals. Turns out the handbrake is released by aid of a foot pedal.
Fuxors.
Find magic pedal, unclench, and head off into the great yonder ( mythical grocery store that we can never get to for lack of a car.). Pull into parking space like I'm Mario Andretti - only more slowly.
Activate hand brake with judicious use of foot, get out of vehicle, congratulate self on ACE parking skillz.
Take grocery cart from mythical row of grocery carts, clip fruit stand then almost run over snot-nosed brat in veggie section. Hate stupid fucking grocery store because produce not where it's supposed to be. Muxak pissing me off, too. Fuxors.
Pay way too much (in real dollars, not blessed mythical bucks) for buggy of food. Secretly don't mind because we also bought 1000 tons of kitty litter that I don't have to pay deliveryman extra $2.50 for. Hahahahaha! Fuxors!!
Drive groceries home in silver Malibu. Everyone is comfy. Everyone is calm. Can't explain white knuckles at all.

Once home, treat selves to bocconcini, flavourless tomatoes, and olive oil/ balsamico. Happy to be self.
Play few rounds of scrabulous with buds, then usher sweetie into car so that we can visit magical lands at end of highway.
Have great fun weaving in and out of traffic practicing lane changes. Whee!! Discover wipers entirely by accident. Am more delighted than child with motorised tonka truck.
Arrive in tiny village that sells overpriced foodstuffs. After long search for parking space ( 2 minutes) Pull into parking space like I'm Mario Andretti - only more slowly. Quietly congratulate self to self because sweetie not as entertained by manoeuvre as I am. Chicks... they just don't 'get it" *sigh*

Do not buy foodstuffs as they are freakishly expensive.
Drive home to tune of "are we there yet?" Think back to childhood, understand poor old Dad, and apologise for thousands upon thousands of miles of being annoying.
Find way home past detours, find rockstar parking space and park car. Congratulate self on ACE parking skillz.

Am feeling officially all growed up.

Tomorrow we go to even more expensive village even farther away to not buy stuff. Feel like I'm killing planet one day-trip at a time.

Comments:


LOVEasaverb
loveasaverb at 2007-10-21 00:04 (UTC) (Permanent link)
LQTM. You know, Laughing Qiuetly to Myself. Funny stuff. You should do something wholesome like apple picking in the country :P
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2007-10-22 10:30 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Apple picking as a carbon-tax? Hmmm.. good idea. Would it count the same if I picked cocktail olives instead?
She shoots, SHE SCORES!!
pisceandreamer at 2007-10-21 01:13 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Congrats on a successful outing!
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2007-10-22 10:33 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Thank you!
So far it's been pretty good, and I think I've discovered my super power, too! Rock Star parking spots! Yayyy~!
I't almost as cool as parting the red sea! (which I don't know how to do, incidently.)
jodidevildoll at 2007-10-21 13:34 (UTC) (Permanent link)
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! congrats!
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2007-10-22 10:34 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Thankee! I'm a big kid now for realz and I never even needed those special pants. ;-)
Milk Lady
kdbuttongirl at 2007-10-22 15:07 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Wooohooo Stan! Arrrrr! Was Arrrrnold helping you?

For your own sense of justification, I have never been in a car with a foot-activated emergency *hand* brake. Bizarre.

:)

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