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aftershocks and rambles

Posted on 2006.05.26 at 16:42
I've been "this guy" for longer than some of you have been alive and now, in the blink of an eye I no longer exist. Everything that I was, and yes - to a degree I was my work - is no more.

I have no idea how to handle this.
Friends have called and said stuff like "Take some time off, get angry; do what you have to do", to which all I can mumble is "yeah, I'll do that".

I can't do that.

None of this is real. It's like I'm dead without being dead. It's like someone told you that you were no longer Neph., or Req, or Anja, or any tangible person and sorry but we've taken your identity away from you but we haven't made up our minds what your new identity will be. But please, do let us know who you think you could be and back to us with that, mkay?

I know who I want to be. I know who I am - or at least I know who I was and I want to be "That Guy".

Not possible. That movie doesn't play here anymore.

I've lost all direction, my compass is spinning and there's nothing on the horizon from which to take a bearing.

Comments:


Humor me
nephthys510 at 2006-05-26 21:36 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Give yourself time. Really. Be gentle to you.

Remember that you are not your job and it does not define you. Spend some time remembering who YOU are with the job filtered out. Remember all that you have left, not only in your world, but in who you are as a person.

Do what you think is right. Jump right in and find yourself as "that guy" again. That position may be available to you. Take some time and do inventory. It's up to you what you want to do now. Just be kind to yourself.

And if you need to mourn, go ahead. It's a perfectly acceptable response. Mourning isn't just for death, mourning is for any major loss.

You are an intelligent, creative, and fearless guy. I know you will make it. Maybe this is "god's" way of releasing you to do that crazy thing you always wanted to do but couldn't. Open up that Adult Video Store, already! jk. Make books for retail purposes. The world is your oyster.

mmmm oysters...

But I digress. You are in shock. It will pass, but just ride it for now. Never forget who you are at your core, what you have, and the wonderful people in your life who love you very much.
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-26 21:42 (UTC) (Permanent link)
I will read and reread this comment often.
Thank you. <3
I require vodka, sir.
watchword at 2006-05-26 23:05 (UTC) (Permanent link)
My gift, unfortunately, is saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times... not saying inspirational or comforting things.

But trust me, I mean well, and am sending good vibes your way.

I've always found it true that things have a way of working themselves out the way they should. That means nothing now, though.

Basically, I'm sorry this happened. And hope it gets better.
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:02 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Li'l Sister; that you posted this comment belies your first sentence.
Thank you for the vibes and the wisdom. :)
<3
She shoots, SHE SCORES!!
pisceandreamer at 2006-05-26 23:16 (UTC) (Permanent link)
((Stan))

I am fumbling for words here, but as of this moment, in my eyes, you are still the same kind, caring, artistic, creative, warm, funny, and all around good and decent person that you were yesterday.

You don't have to have all the answers right now - give yourself some time and they'll find you.
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:06 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Thank you, Cindy. Those are very grounding thoughts and I appreciate them greatly. :)
(Deleted comment)
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:08 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Thank you Toni, for your thoughts and your good wishes. :)
bookishgal at 2006-05-27 00:47 (UTC) (Permanent link)
I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say. I haven't quite experienced something like this. The closest was 1.5 years ago (December of 2004). My boss pulled me in the conference room under the pretense that it was an informal performance review. What he was actually doing was telling me that he wanted to get ahead and that I wasn't a suitable replacement for him to move up so he was replacing me. The reason, I didn't have a degree. I felt so betrayed.

Out of all that hurt something good came out of it, I decided to leave about two months later (I was so unhappy there for a long time) and get my degree. It was the final push that I needed.

Oh and here's the fun part. For some unknown reason, he never clued the guy he wanted to replace me with in on his little plan.The guy ended up putting in his notice that he was leaving the project. Two weeks later I put my notice in. He moved up but didn't get the pie in the sky job he wanted. The hired someone outside of the company to take over the project. Mwa ha ha!
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:21 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Thank you Nona! That's good inspiration - as is the suggestion that karma comes around!

(Deleted comment)
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:34 (UTC) (Permanent link)

Re: a song of commiseration

Jeremy!
It's good to hear from you again!
(You going to post pics of that fabo view at all??)

Thank you for your love and well wishes. All greatly appreciated! :)

(Anonymous) at 2006-05-28 17:28 (UTC) (Permanent link)

Re: a song of commiseration

I don't know that I'd call it fabo, but it sure beats the old backyard view into the scorched, man-made desert that is the valley.

What comes around, goes around. I'll be around =).

Anja Pirat
anja at 2006-05-27 07:59 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Stan.
You'll still get to be Stan.
Now changing the locks as they're telling you is cold and cruel and I do hope they are caused at least some discomfort by their own atrocious behaviour (but to be honest, I doubt it a little). But what you did at work was not created by the position. I know how you feel attached to the line of work you're in, but everything you do is all you. And you get to take that with you wherever you go.

So go wherever you want.
When you're ready. This must hurt terribly. But when it fades, I hope you remember who you are and that he's a kind, competent, funny, caring guy. Get yourself some new camera gear. Eat some good food. Hate your employers. Be cool with the mirror, because you'll be good at anything you choose to do.
I know change isn't your favourite thing, but after a little while it stops being change and becomes just the world as you know it.

Good luck. I'm really sorry this happened.
Here:
Yes, You Specifically

Don't you forget.

Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:43 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Tusend tak, Anja. Tusend.

Your words will run through my head for a long time to come. And my heart. <3
Luminous mind, bright devil
prosicated at 2006-05-27 12:25 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Yikes, that is a scary, scary thing, Mr. S.
Maybe lists would help? (They always help me...) write down what you still think you'll enjoy, what you will miss from "That Guy," and what horizons you've looked at lately.
*hugs*
Good luck.
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:54 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Hey Meg!
Yep, scary stuff indeed.
I'll definitely be doing lists - they give me comfort and clarity as well. Right now there's a blizzard in my sno-globe, but when that dies down some I'll take pencil to paper. :)


*hugs*
Caillech
caillech at 2006-05-27 13:59 (UTC) (Permanent link)
I don't even know what to say except I'm so sorry. I wish I had helpful advice or some sort of solution to the problem, but I don't. I just hate that this has happened to you. It makes me so angry and upset. It's crazy.
As hard as it is to believe(and yes, I know you've already heard this)..you will find direction. It WILL take time and it won't be easy, but you will find it. I have complete faith in you.
And...I still think you're the coolest person to walk the earth. :)
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:49 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Thank you Jennie. :)
I'm coming to the conclusion that things will open up, but for the time being I shouldn't obsess over it. Well, maybe I'll fret a bit but no more than that. Well maybe a little freak-out or two but...
Hang on here, breathe in - breathe out.. Calm.

hugginses!
*
indemnified at 2006-05-27 14:26 (UTC) (Permanent link)
i'm sorry to hear this!
change is neccessary and i believe in you stan! good luck and take care of yourself
Simply Stan
paperpath at 2006-05-28 13:58 (UTC) (Permanent link)
Thank you, Amberly.
You're right; change is necessary.

Good wisdom; thank you - and for being here as well. :)

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