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So I was surfing random weirdness from my favourite foul-mouthed aggregator Fucking Homepage.com when I came across this gem from a few years back.

Thoughts and Prayers, a game from 2016 is a clunky game with a strong message. Because I kind of lol'd at the end of the game I know that there's at least one like-minded individual who will be temporarily cheered up by this - until the grim reality reasserts itself, of course.

Related: Anthony Jeselnik I wasn't looking for this exactly, but what with my mad ninja sketchy google skillz that's what I found. Oh! and because I have a bit of tenacity: Hannibal Buress

#guncontrol

Let's be careful out there....


A sign of life

Posted on 2018.06.20 at 15:19
Listening to: Xavier Rudd - Lioness Eye

I find that there's so much pressure to write properly on this platform as opposed to the muddy patchwork that is so commonly seen on Facebook. It's a litle daunting to be honest so that's why I post irregularly. But hello! Ping, and all that. I'm here!

Over after- dinner drinks the subject of our lack of intimacy came up. It was pretty organic and there was no defensiveness or other realities that make a conversation hellish. No, it was all pretty straightforward. We discussed where we felt we were in our lives and what we wanted for ourselves and for each other so that was good. She then surprised me by telling me that I could use the services of an escort if I needed to.  If ever there was a record-scratch moment in my life that was it right then and there.

I don't think that seeing an escort is a solution. I was never into casual sex growing up and I can't see how I'd change from commitment-based love-making to an undoubtedly unfullfilling hurried sex act andfeel okay with it. It's more the surprise of the offer that has me worrying away at this. I wonder if she thinks that a simple hook(er)-up has the equivalent value of a more profound experience; and has she thought so little of our love-making these past years. OMG, am I a horrible lover? Was she never emotionally invested in our love-making? Did she hate having sex? With me? All these years?

Fuck.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into this.  Or maybe I should call a family counselor.

On now to lighter fare. According to WWW.IWL.ME this entry's writing style matches James Joyce's and I have an internet badge to prove it to be true.


I write like
James Joyce
About James Joyce | Analyze your text



The kids are alright.

Posted on 2018.06.05 at 16:20


Apparently this is a photo of a child demonstrating autistic-adjacent behaviour. She categorizes things, she puts things in in an aesthetic and logical order. This, truth be told, seems to me to be a completely natural endeavour which actually rings my happy bells. We all try to make sense of this world by whatever means available.

When I was a child I would crawl into Grandma's pantry and reorganize all the tinned food in the order that seemed to make the most sense.  What did I take away from doing that? I got a few moments of being in control of my environment. I got praise for a job well done from my Grandma. I got a sense of purpose that a six-year old rarely gets when navigating the grown-ups world.

I think that adults really need to stop to think a bit; to think about where they came from, and to think about what effect the labels they parse out has on kids. If I were to throw out an observation it would be that we adults are still trying to organize our own crayons and we really shouldn't be pushing our unresolved crap onto our next gen without taking a few moments of introspection first.

But then again I'm neither a parent nor a psychologist so I could be entirely off-base, in which case just enjoy the photo.


Posted on 2018.05.29 at 20:43

There's so much angst and sadness in the world. There I was, moping about my life and doing a little wallowing in the company of a stinky cigar when I learned that someone witnessed, quite accidentally, some child porn online.
She didn't seek it out, she simply stumbled upon some guy's LJ page that had some.
Everything came into perspective right then. My problems and fears shriveled immediately and my thoughts went out out to both the victims and the poor sick bastard whose lives were impacted by this reprehensible act.
There's so much hurt out there that needs tending to. I feel so sad and helpless that I can't fix any of it. And yet mine is only one tear in a torrent of tears.
Every day we strive to be decent people and every day there's something out there that pushes our limits and strength.

I remember being told that rinsing one's mouth with salt water helped get rid of the post-cigar mouth funk. I have no idea how to deal with this, though. There's not enough salt in the ocean to wash this horror away. There aren't enough flannel sheets and blankets to hide under. It just has to be one step forward at a time, forging into the ugly mess that is our existence.


I am no longer the product.

Posted on 2018.04.30 at 13:28
Current Location: Montreal
Listening to: Let the Rhythm Just - The Polish Ambassador

Sort-of.

It just hit me after my divorce with Facebook that I should suport Livejournal with a couple of bucks.

I remember In the Beginning of the Internet" thinking that free hosting was some kind of right.  I think that I'm over that now, having seen the actual cost of free hosting, and having also compared it with the cost of a slightly fancy lunch. So here I am, all paid up and feeling like I struck a blow in the name of freedom. I'm happy. Now if only if I could get that Identify Music thingy to work automagically instead of having to type the current song's details in the wee box.

Not much of an entry, eh? Sorry, I have to get some actual work doone. ;-)



Just another broken cinder block

Posted on 2018.04.27 at 15:49

I made this one quiet afternoon at work. What can I say, we have crayons and cinder blocks just laying about the place. I found the pattern in a book on graffiti (Graffiti And Street Art, Waclawek 2012) then mapped it onto a graph. That's how I do art; accurately. Maybe I missed the point about the creative aspect of artmaking, but this little green alter-ego makes me happy just looking at him. He's also an excellent doorstop.


Word(s) of the Day

Posted on 2018.04.26 at 15:13
Listening to: Here We Go magic - Over the Sea

Yesterday's Word of the day is Pinetum.
My first guess was it referred to that slight belly extension that you get when you quaff a litre of Spruce Beer but no, its actually a:
noun: An arboretum of coniferous trees such as pines.

I have to admit that it's a better guess than my guess for today's WOD which is Arctophile. I thought for sure that this might have something to do with Loving the Arctic (because clearly I can't differentiate between Arcti and Arcto) but I was proven wrong once again. Would you believe that it's a:
noun: Someone who is very fond of teddy bears or collects them. Nope, I would never have guessed.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I thought that an entry is better than no entry.

So my wife is leaving for Italy in a week. She's taking a University level drawing course that will last a month. We're both a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. She's got her own set of worries that she won't enjoy being stuck with a bunch of undergrads for that length of time. She's worried about performance too, of course, but given that she was an architect in a previous career I think she'll be fine with a pencil. She also keeps mentioning that she hopes that I'll be happy to see her when she gets back.  She thinks that we spent far too much time in close quarters last year because of the cancer treatments I went through and that it would be good for us to spend some time apart and that I'll stop being angry.
I'm not though; angry, that is. What I am feeling is a gradual disinterest in and dissolution of the relationship because of the complete lack of intimacy that was brought to us by menopause. No cuddles, no hugs, and certainly no love-making for the past two years kind of brings a guy down - health issues notwithstanding.

Anyway, I am kind of looking forward to the break. I keep thinking back to when I was single and young and lonely and I wonder if next month will be like that again.  Wait and see. Wait, and see.


Reddit Poetry

Posted on 2018.04.16 at 16:40
Everyone makes mistakes
The girl slept on the subway
my gf asks me to go deeper.
Bringing down the roof
I guess it could be worse


Maybe I can create haikus from these. Not today of course, maybe later.
(Link titles from reddit.com)

When the world hands you pocky sticks

Posted on 2018.04.16 at 09:58
Feels like: In love with love.
Listening to: Bill Withers - Who Is He (And What Is He To You)


That's it. Nothing deep, insightful, or important; just a silly photo on this ice-slick of a Montreal morning. The freezing rain has left us with a beautiful, yet treacherous city. I didn't take a photo, there was no time before my hasty descent into the underground.

The commute? It was pretty good given that the schools are closed because of the freezing rain. On the Métro today I spotted one commuter rehearsing her presentation off of hand-written cue cards. Thin lips memorizing as quickly as they could as the deadline loomed large.
Another, a couple - newly-minted - shared earbuds, shy smiles, and a sense of wonder as they happily stood in each others' bubble, she holding onto his arm for balance and he occasionally reaching out to caress her face.

Little Monsters

Posted on 2018.04.14 at 06:54
They live inside us, and all around. This little fellow lives at my music school.
I was going to write a long entry about how I didn't even receive a card for our anniversary but chose to just mention it instead of going full reporter on the event. It's enough to remember the sadness that came from it, and to move on from there. I need to be a better sweetie if this is the state of the relationship.



Thete was water in the basement, seeping up through the slab as it does every spring. The ground is plump right now and the sump pump can't catch up.
My drums were all stored away on anything dry so I couldn't practice. But last night I set the kit up again and played a couple of grooves. It felt weird, like kissing your Ex or something. It will take a while to get the kit back in that comfortable zone but I've got time.


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